Another day at the saltmine

What a hell weekend, not to sound too negative :(...A lot of stuff going on with family and such. A bit under fire, and in the trenches. I don't have it tough and am blessed. So I don't want to sound ungrateful. It's just there is big decisions to be made, and I can't make them. I also get down about my music too. I feel disgenuine about it. Maybe I do not pour my heart and soul truly into it. I think I hold back. I feel sad about that. I think I actually care what people think. To me, that is sad. I don't know. I think also I am way to self absorbed so it all compounds me, as I think everybody should like my music. But, it is much the opposite. Well deserved though, if I am truly holding back than the music is not genuine and shouldn't be liked. Boo hoo. The New York decision is weighing heavy on my heart. I am hot/cold/cold/hot about it constantly. I make a decision and get talked out of it, fear and weakness. I pray about it everyday, and feel like the answer is a split road. My mom is opposed to it like she was when I got married. She was right about the marriage. Does it matter if this is a wrong decision or not? I don't know. I am just uninspired right now. I released an album. Nobody cares. Let the inspiration dwindle. But who knows, tomorrow I will probably be posting butterflies and new sun shiny days.